Copyright . job31one. All rights reserved.
Q & A
Here you’ll find some of the most frequently asked questions about lust, pornography, and related subjects. These are the questions I had early on, and that I hear most often from others. I have done my best to answer them based on the Bible and my own experience and study. Scripture references are included when applicable. Also, when I paraphrase the words or thoughts of another Christian author or pastor, I will always give them credit. This is just the beginning of what I believe will probably be the fastest growing page on this site. I will frequently be adding new questions and editing the answers to old ones. Some answers will overlap, so I have cross-referenced when necessary so I don’t have to be redundant and you don’t get bored. If you have a question, just send me an email – and if it’s one I think others can benefit from, I’ll get it up on the page as soon as possible.
A CAUTION TO PARENTS: These questions and answers are sexual in nature, and while I will never be obscene or use profanity, the language used here will be frank and sometimes detailed. Please use discretion in allowing children under 18 to view this page.
If you're against pornography, why are you naked on the front page of your website?
Lust is just a sexual sin…right?
If you’re against pornography, why are you naked on the front page of your website?
Alright, let's get this question out of the way so we can move on to more important things . . .
First, one of the aims of this ministry is to fight fire with fire. To call attention to the horrors of lust and pornography and shout a warning to the world. So for the same reason that Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ was so bloody, job31one will go to extremes to fulfill its commission.
Second, it is symbolic of my willingness to publicly expose my past so that others may benefit and Christ will be glorified. I spent so long hiding my addiction from the world, wearing a mask and a costume in order to conceal my secret shame, the time has come to bare it all and suffer what may come. I am now coming to God stripped away of everything else in my life that used to come before Him: lust, pride, fear, you name it. I am now completely His to transform and clothe in the fashion of His Son.
Third, when the Lord asked me to start this ministry, I was angry and confused. I knew I could never be a conventional pastor who wears a tie, smiles all the time, and says what everyone wants to hear. After all, I was a former porn addict with a razor for a tongue and a stoic personality – what business did I have preaching the Word? I thought there was no way I could do what God was asking and still be able to fit in to the “church world”. But I loved God and wanted to do His Will, so I prayed. Prayed for Him to show me the ministry and how I should present it. Not long after, I received a vision of me praying naked on the home page of a website. By the way, don’t bother asking God, “Are you sure?”, because He just keeps saying the same thing. [back to top]
Lust is just a sexual sin…right?
Absolutely not. Lust simply has as sexual connotation because sex is the most taboo subject in any discussion on sin. The Lust of the Flesh, as described in Luke 4, is any desire of the body that is outside God’s will for our lives. This includes sexual lust, gluttony, greed, and laziness. Lust is the perversion of our natural needs and desires taken to dangerous extremes. Satan takes our natural desires for sex, food, and rest, perverts them and tempts us to sin. Luke 4 also describes the Lust of the Eyes. These are things of the world that we see that stir up lust and covetousness inside us: the opposite sex, cars, clothes, houses, shoes (that’s right ladies!), or anything else that passes in front of our eyes that we just gotta have! This means you can lust over a car just as easily as you can lust over a woman. You can lust over a fantasy vacation just as easily as you can lust over porn. And ladies, you can lust over a pair of pumps just as easily as you can lust over the hot guy in your office. [back to top]
The short answer? It causes brain damage. Let me guess, I’m overreacting, right? We’ll see . . . but before we get into the consequences of porn, let’s define it and understand its purpose. The American Heritage Dictionary defines pornography as sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal. WordNet goes even further and states that pornography is creative activity (writing or pictures or films, etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.
What’s the big deal with porn anyway?
See, porn doesn’t just exist for it’s own sake. The purpose of pornography is to entice, arouse, and stimulate the viewer into performing some kind of sexual act. Rare is the man who can look at porn and then just walk away and forget about it. And if he is able to walk away, he doesn’t forget it. He remembers it well. He stores those images. And even if he can’t recall the specific image, the image still provides fuel to his lust, which he will later use on his wife, girlfriend, or stranger at a bar. Remember that Satan can’t create – he can only manipulate what God has already created. God created men to be visually stimulated and women to be emotionally stimulated. That’s why if you ask a man about someone from their past, they’ll usually be able to describe them fairly accurately. If you ask a woman about someone from their past, they’ll usually tell a story about how that person makes them feel. This is why most porn is geared towards men. Satan takes that God-given ability of a man to remember faces, shapes, and colors, and uses it to create a “Lust Catalog” in the man’s brain full of images that he can recall at a moment’s notice. Former girlfriend’s bodies, poses in a magazine, positions in a video, and the scantily-clad co-workers at 15 different jobs are all at his disposal for the purposes of fantasy and masturbation.
Porn also objectifies women and thrusts men into a fantasy world of perfection and idealism. Porn reduces women to mannequins. Props. Trophies. Soulless receptacles existing only for men’s pleasure. And while the women are airbrushed to perfection, the men are lost in fantasy-land for minutes or hours at a time. They become zoned-out lust zombies concerned only with orchestrating their next liaison, pursuing physically “perfect” women, and satisfying only themselves.
But the worst thing porn does is cause brain damage. In the second chapter of God, Men and Sex, Doug Weiss explains this much better and in greater detail than I can, but I’ll get you up to speed: When a man ejaculates, he forms an attachment to whatever he’s looking at. Since God created man to have sex with only one woman, He also created only one neural pathway of visual attachment for the man to have. But when a man adds pornography, strip clubs, fetishes, and other stimuli, he begins to burn additional neural pathways in his brain that God never intended. This causes the man’s brain to become divided and confused. God knew that this would happen. Check out what He inspired Paul to write: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body” (1 Cor 6:18, emphasis mine).
So sexual sin, including using porn, fries your brain . . . literally! [back to top]
How do I know if I have a problem with lust and pornography?
Well, if you’re breathing you’ve got a problem with lust. Meaning, lust is simply an inherant result of our sinful, fallen nature. Once you acknowledge that, it becomes a matter of what you’re lusting after, to what degree, and learning how to manage it. And as far as porn goes, any amount is a problem. The task now is deciding if you’re addicted or not. Some of us are more prone to addiction than others. Those of us with addictive tendencies can get hooked after using something only once. Others, it’s takes more exposure to the substance for the addiction to take hold. Some of you know in your hearts that you're addicted to porn, simply because you can feel its stranglehold on your life. For others, it helps to honestly answer some questions on the subject. I found this questionnaire at no-porn.com. It’s one of the best I’ve found. Check out the questions. Search your heart and answer them honestly. If you answer “yes” to more than a couple, you could be addicted.
- Do you sense that your sexual thoughts and/or behaviors are causing problems in your life?
- Have sexual thoughts interfered with your ability to function at work or at school?
- Do you worry that your sexual thoughts and/or behaviors are more powerful than you are?
- Do you sometimes think that you are the only person who has certain sexual thoughts or engages in certain sexual behaviors?
- Do you fail to meet commitments or fail to carry out responsibilities because of your involvement with pornography?
- Do you struggle to control or completely stop your thinking about or viewing pornography?
- Do you view pornography in order to escape, deny, or numb your feelings?
- Do you think about sex more than you would like to?
- Do you spend more money than you can afford to spend on pornography?
- Does it seem as though there is another person or force inside of you that drives you to pornography?
- Do you have two standards of fidelity -- one for yourself and one for your spouse or partner?
- Do you feel empty or shameful after viewing or masturbating using pornography?
- Have you ever promised yourself that you would never again view pornography?
- Do you use pornography to deal with, deny, or avoid problems in your life?
- Do you risk legal problems in order to view pornography?
- Do you anxiously anticipate or fear trips out of town because of what you think you might do sexually while you're away?
- When you have child care responsibilities, do you put a higher priority on masturbating or being sexual than you do on the welfare of the child(ren) in your care?
- Do your sexual thoughts and/or behaviors interfere with your spiritual or religious life? Do your sexual thoughts and/or behaviors cause you to believe that you don't deserve to have a religious or spiritual life?
- Have you lost a job or risked losing a job because of your involvement with pornography?
- Do you scan printed material (novels, newspapers, magazines) or change channels on the television set just to find something that will stimulate you sexually?
- Do you regularly view pornography or engage in fantasies involving self-abuse or other kinds of physical abuse?
- Do you dig through other people's garbage to find pornography?
- Would you rather masturbate than be sexual with a partner?
- Do you drive around unfamiliar neighborhoods (cruise) hoping to find places where pornography is available?
- Do you look at pornography or masturbate while driving?
- Have you replaced a collection of pornographic material after destroying one collection and vowing never to purchase pornography again?
- Has an important relationship in your life ended because of your inability to stop looking at pornography? [back to top]
What do pornography and masturbation have to do with each other?
Most men unfortunately know the answer to this one, but I don’t think most women do. Partly due to ignorance, and partly due to men hiding the truth, a lot of women seem to have missed the connection between porn and masturbation. So here goes: Did that clear things up? Ladies, I’m not talking down to you or trying to make you feel bad, but you’ve got to understand this stuff. If the above paragraph punched you in the stomach and put a lump in your throat, so be it. This is serious. You’ve got to understand the severity of this issue. You’ve got to because you’ve found porn in your husband’s side of the closet and thought, “Oh, he just looks at that when I’m not in the mood.” You’ve found porn in your dad’s garage and thought, “Oh, he’s just hanging onto his youth.” You’ve found porn on your brother’s computer and thought, “Oh, that’s just what single guys look at.” Now you know the truth. Now you know what’s being done with the porn. Now you know what’s being done to your relationship. For more on why masturbating to pornography is so harmful, go back up to What’s the big deal with porn anyway? [back to top]
Women know two things: 1. Men like pornography, and 2. Men masturbate. But it’s been my experience that most women don’t perform the simple math and put these two things together. So let me make this perfectly clear: Ladies, men masturbate to pornography. Men look at pornography and masturbate at the same time. Men look and porn, masturbate, and fantasize about being with the woman in the magazine or on the video screen. Men look at porn, and enter a fantasy world with another woman and have an orgasm. Many times, men will time their own orgasm with the male actor’s orgasm, thereby coming as close as they can to physically fulfilling the fantasy. In short, masturbating to pornography is adultery (Prov 23:7a).
What’s so wrong with masturbation? Isn’t it natural?
Sure, it’s natural – it’s as natural as lying, stealing, and murder. Every fleshly impulse we have as human beings is a “natural” desire to satisfy our pride and need for self-preservation. As a result, the world is in the state it’s in because people just do whatever “feels natural”. But as Christians, we are called to be different from the world. With God’s help, we are called to react supernaturally to those natural tendencies (Gal 5:16).
Because of Original Sin (Gen 3), man has since been cursed and born with a “sin nature”. Therefore, it’s a pretty safe bet that anything you “naturally” want to do is outside of God’s will for you. “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature” (Rom 7:18, emphasis mine). Check out the rest of Romans 7 and 8 for Paul’s description of the “natural man” and his conflicted spirit when it comes to choosing whether to serve Christ or his flesh. But anyway, back to masturbation . . .
Do you know what the human orgasm was intended for? Do you know what it represents? The act of sex between a married couple and the orgasms experienced are the earthly manifestations of God’s love for His children. The union between a man and woman in marriage represents the relationship between God and The Church (followers of Jesus Christ). The orgasm is a physical representation of God’s love for His people. God created the orgasm because He knew there was no other earthly way He could help us understand just how much He loves us. When He gave us the gift of the orgasm, He was essentially saying, “Here’s a little taste of how I feel about you.” Therefore, the orgasms you’re having while masturbating were intended for you to have with your spouse – to express the covenant love between God and His followers. So when you masturbate or have sex outside of marriage, you are defiling the most beautiful, precious physical experience that God has given us. When you masturbate, you cheapen God’s gift and reduce it to a perverted, fleshly act of “natural” desire. I’ll wrap up my answer to this question with a question of my own for you to consider: Have you ever masturbated and afterward felt closer to God? Yeah, I didn’t think so . . . [back to top]
What does the Bible say about masturbation?
Absolutely nothing. It also doesn’t mention identity theft, abortion, or pedophilia. It doesn’t say anything about a lot of specific sins, but we can use wisdom and discernment to infer what is right and wrong based on what the Bible has to say. So lets take a look . . .
Paul writes, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is Holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, emphasis mine).
I could write an entire sermon on this one verse, but I’ll spare you and instead just address the two portions I’ve italicized as briefly as possible:
sanctified – Sanctification is the lifelong process of the believer growing closer to God. In short, it’s your job as a follower of Christ to become as much like Jesus as you can before you die. You do this through prayer, Bible study, serving, and giving, among others. Again, become as much like Jesus as you can before you die. We are called to be imitators of God (Eph 5:1). Now I’m gonna go WAY out on a limb here, but I seriously doubt Jesus masturbated. Therefore, masturbation can only hinder the sanctification process and draw the believer away from God, not closer to Him.
learn to control his own body – If you itch, you scratch. You get hungry, you eat. You get sleepy, you take a nap. You get aroused, you masturbate – NO! Stop, it’s a trap! Remember, as a child of God, you don’t have to satisfy every natural impulse your flesh cries out for. Exercising discipline, maturity, and self-control in your Christian walk is just important as practicing love, kindness, and tithing. Note that the verse says “learn” – this means you won’t naturally want to do this. You weren’t born knowing how to add, conjugate verbs, or even walk – you had to learn these things over time. So if you’ve spent a majority of your life masturbating every time you got the urge, it’s going to take a while for you to unlearn that behavior and learn self-control. Be patient. Pray. Ask God for what you need. He will honor your commitment for sexual purity and help you weather the storm.
Here are two more verses for the argument against masturbation. I won’t take the time to pick them apart, just note the italicized portions – they’re pretty self-explanatory . . .
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Ephesians 5:3, emphasis mine).
“Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness” (Romans 6:13, emphasis mine).
‘Masturbation is okay because it isn’t specifically mentioned in the Bible’ is an immature, fleshly, and ridiculous argument. Those holding this viewpoint are simply looking for a loophole so they can continue practicing habitual sin. Remember, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows” (Gal 6:7). [back to top]“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4, emphasis mine).
All! All! All! Everyone will honor the marriage bed! I don’t care if you’re single, married, divorced, separated, widowed, happy, sad, white, black, or green…you WILL honor the institute of marriage!
When you masturbate, you’re violating the figurative “marriage bed” God has designed for all married couples – you’re thumbing your nose (if you have a free hand) at God and the sacred institute of marriage He has created. You are also violating your own literal marriage bed without even being married yet! That’s right, even without a spouse, you’ve already committed adultery. Before even proposing or saying “I do”, your marriage is off on the wrong foot. [back to top]
This should be a no-brainer, but I’ll answer it anyway. Abstinence is mandatory for all unmarried followers of Christ – no exceptions! And yes, this includes masturbation! If you skipped the three questions on the “M-word” (no, not marriage), scroll back up and check them out.
On a personal note, my wife and I have reaped the blessings and benefits of abstaining from sex before marriage. When we decided to get married, neither one of us were virgins. And even though we weren’t as spiritually mature as we are now, but we knew we needed to do things differently than we had in the past. We had both suffered the consequences of sex outside of marriage, living with people, and “playing house”. We knew that we had tried it every other way and failed miserably. We knew that the World’s Way was not the way we wanted to start our marriage. It was time to try it God’s Way.
I moved to Oklahoma only two weeks before we got married, which certainly made things easier. Once I got here, Rachel and I would spend our days together, running errands, going shopping, and getting things ready for the wedding. But at night, I would stay at her apartment while she went to stay with a friend. We often think back on that as a pivotal time in our relationship. We believe it’s one of the reasons why our marriage is so strong and why we’ve been blessed ever since. God has rewarded our decision to do things His Way and to build our marriage on His Foundation.
Senior Pastor of LifeChurch.tv, Craig Groeschel, addresses the abstinence issue this way: “Before you get married, minimize time, talk, and touch. After you’re married, maximize them” (my paraphrase). [back to top]
Remember, God created you to have sex with your spouse, so use abstinence with caution. If you decide to try it, keep these two things in mind:
1. Both spouses must agree on abstaining and the period of time.
2. Abstaining from sex does not mean abstaining from affection (men!). If you decide to abstain from sex with your wife and also stop kissing, hugging, and holding your wife’s hand, she is going to feel unwanted and resentful. My rule of thumb is, “If you zero the sex, double the affection.” This will ensure that you still love and need her. [back to top]
I’m married and having trouble telling the difference between lust and healthy sexual appetite – any suggestions?
As with everything, the first thing you must do is pray. Pray for revelation, guidance, and discretion. Ask and you will receive (Matt 7:7). If you’re having trouble telling the difference between lust and love, pray for that knowledge. Something to be mindful of is Satan’s role in this. If you have a history of sexual impurity and are attempting to heal your mind, soul, and marriage, Satan’s going to do everything he can to confuse you and hinder your progress. A healthy, Godly marriage drives the devil nuts and he loves to use extremes and legalism to bring us down. If you’ve made a decision for sexual purity, the first thing he’s going to do is get you to think that every sexual urge you have is sinful. If Satan can’t ruin your marriage with sexual immorality, his next alternative is to ruin it with sexual anorexia. Don’t succumb to this. A Godly man has Godly sex with his wife.
The next thing you can do is check your head and heart. When you get the urge for sex, pause for a moment and ask yourself, “What’s my motivation?” If your drive is strictly selfish compulsion (“I gotta get off!”), you are certainly lusting. If your motivation is a desire to express your love for your wife, and are more concerned with her needs than yours, then you’re on the right track. [back to top]
What should I look for in an accountability partner?
No guys, the hot new girl in your office cannot be your accountability partner! Sheesh, stop looking for loopholes, you’re wearing me out! Your AP needs to be:
– the same sex as you. Co-ed accountability relationships are like playing with fire and will always end in disaster.
– a fellow Christian. Accountability relationships outside the Body of Christ may be helpful for a while, but they will eventually hit a brick wall whenever the topic of faith comes up. Also, remember from the question above how important prayer is, and how that aspect may be hindered by teaming up with a non-believer.
– someone you respect, trust, and maybe are even a little afraid of! Not afraid to talk to, of course. But a great deal of why accountability works is the same way parenting works. Or the way God works. Why did you obey your parents? Because you feared their authority. Why do you obey God? Sure, because you love Him is great, but I also hope you fear His wrath. My AP is two inches taller than me and outweighs me by 40 lbs. And even though he lives in a different state, I don’t wanna have to deal with that, even over the phone! Fear is a great motivator, and when used correctly, can be very effective. [back to top]
The American protestant church has done Christians a huge disservice. About 20 years ago, fire and brimstone preaching started to give way to prosperity, pluralism, and political correctness. Ever since, we’ve downplayed the severity of sin and the horror of Hell. We don’t preach enough on sin. We don’t teach enough on Hell. As a result, believers no longer fear God, and non-believers have no motivation to find Him.
So in an effort to help reverse some of that, let’s get a few things straight:
Sexual sin IS addictive.
Sexual sin will separate you from God and hold you captive like NO OTHER sin can.
The Bible IS the Word of God and it is NOT complicated.
Hell is a REAL PLACE, and without JESUS CHRIST you will find out just how real it is.
So if you want someone to smile, pat your little head, and condone all of your compromises in regard to sexual sin, you’re in the wrong place. Close this page and go elsewhere. This ministry is for warriors. For those sick of Satan’s lies and influence in their lives. For those who want to stand on the Word of God and do whatever it takes to stay there.
So I'm not being “mean” – it’s a reality check. Are you in or are you out? [back to top]
